Life is not a test.

Shocking, since that’s the opposite of the analogy that gets thrown around so easily. Have you ever heard it? The one about life being a test? Of course you have.

But is it, really? Admittedly, I’m one of those weird species of humanity who enjoys school. I liked the challenge, the learning, the opportunity to illuminate truths previously unknown. A nerd, I know.

But I don’t think even someone like me truly enjoyed tests. Tests were to be stressed over, anxiety-inducing, endured.

Is that what life is supposed to be?

As school starts back up for our own kids and all the college kids I get to work with, I’m reminded of the anxiety of homework, projects, quizzes, assignments, presentations, and….tests.

You know which day of class was one of my favorites? Study guide day. Yes! That was your chance to get all the answers, if you were willing to ask the right questions and do some digging.

Isn’t that more like life?

During a test, you sit there, isolated, probably sweating, trying to remember that one thing you read about 2 months ago while also wondering if anyone else in the room is experiencing the same thing. But don’t talk about it. Stay quiet, and smile, like you’ve got it all together.

I’m no expert, but I shudder to think that’s how this life thing is supposed to work. Yet, that’s a perfect depiction of how so many of us are going through life. Giving the impression that we’ve got it together while silently hoping the red pen doesn’t come out to slash up our life’s work.

To me, life is much more like a study guide. The answers are all there, if you are willing to ask the right questions and do some digging.

Funny how you just can’t escape the timeless principles of hard work and relationships. You can’t ask good questions of someone if you don’t have a relationship, and you can’t find the answers if you aren’t willing to work hard.

This does NOT mean there aren’t times of frustration, anxiety, or stress. A good study guide will induce those emotions periodically. But when you change your thinking and realize IT’S OK to ask for help, IT’S OK to seek advice, IT’S OK to admit you don’t know it all or have it all together, you can take a deep breath and enjoy the process.

Admit to yourself you don’t have all the answers

Say it, “I don’t know it all.” Now, say it again…..and again. See? That wasn’t so hard. No one is expecting you to know it all, and if they are, then you need to end that relationship. We weren’t built to know it all. If we knew everything, we wouldn’t need anyone. And the need for real, genuine, authentic relationship is built into our DNA. Hence, you can lean on other people to know things you don’t.

Surround yourself with the right study group

Here’s a private exercise for you. It might sound brutal, but you need to face the truth when it comes to the relationships you need to invest in. Look at the last 10 text threads you have going. Think about each of those relationships. Are they healthy relationships? Does that person add value and joy to your life? Do you add value and joy to your life? Don’t go all Marie Kondo on it, but seriously consider the questions. If the answer is yes to those questions, then text them right now and set up coffee or lunch. That’s a relationship you need to deepen your investment in. It’s like a stock that’s winning. Why wouldn’t you invest more?

If you answered no to those questions, then ask yourself what needs to change. If it something simple, then change it. If it’s not going to change, then you might need to forget about that text thread. Remember, you’re looking to surround yourself with a strong study group. Perhaps there are relationships which are important to you but weren’t within the last 10 text threads. That’s fine. The point is to be intentional with the relationships you are investing in. You know deep down which ones are the right ones based on where your headed with your goals and dreams.

Learn to ask the right questions

This part takes a lot of practice, and sometimes the right question isn’t immediately obvious. If that’s the case, then don’t ask anything. Just be present. You need to determine what answer you are trying to figure out, then work backwards to determine what question, or questions, will get you there. And remember, it becomes much easier after you have established a genuine, caring relationship.

Note: If your life is full of anxiety and stress, call me and let’s have coffee and talk about it. That’s not how this thing is supposed to work.

We’re all working through this study guide together, so let’s choose to be real and help each other. And most of all, enjoy the process!

#daddylessons