I’m here to help.

You probably know by now I enjoy sharing my journey through fatherhood from a working dad’s perspective. This blog serves a two-fold mission for me. First, to act as a sort of diary to document the different lessons I’m learning during this incredible journey. Second, to perhaps provide some form of entertainment, inspiration, or support to anyone who spends a few minutes following my journey.

It’s amazing how many people have offered words of encouragement and support for this blog when we see each other. I’m humbled that people are actually checking in and relating with the content. And if their encouragement to keep going wasn’t enough, research and statistics like the ones below definitely are.

Dr. John and Julie Gottman have long been considered experts in the family and relationships space. Several years ago they conducted a research study about the effects of parenthood on marriage and relationships.

Their findings are, well, jarring.

“67% of couples had become very unhappy with each other during the first three years of their baby’s life. Only 33% remained content.”

Wow. What’s more, of the 16 studies conducted on parents before and after the birth of their child, they had a number of other findings, and two that really stuck out to me related to dads:

• As soon as Baby is born, Mom’s friends arrive on the scene – a society of women who have come to help. New dads can feel excluded and crowded out, and are likely to respond by removing themselves from the situation. They often withdraw from the baby and from Mom, working more, while trying to avoid conflict.

• When Mom is unhappy, her baby does not retreat. The same is not true for Dad. A child tends to withdraw emotionally from a father who is unhappy in his relationship with Mom – a tragic gulf grows between him and his child.

Whether you’re a prospective dad, new dad, seasoned dad, or just dream about being a dad someday, I’m here for you. You are not alone. We can help each other. The answer to your feelings of being overwhelmed or inadequate are not to withdraw.

I know there is this unspoken expectation, whether it’s real or self-imposed, that you should know what you are doing. Let’s face it, women are more relational and communal than men in general. It’s hard for guys to ask for help. Let me ask you this, are your reservations over asking for help worth being part of the 67% of new parents who are unhappy? Don’t ruin the start of the grand adventure of parenthood because of your pride and insecurity.

Again, I’m here to help. So let me make you an offer. Well, THREE offers:

1. Private Call
   1. We can talk by phone or zoom. I would love to hear your story, concerns, anxieties, and struggles related to being a dad. I know I will learn something from you, and perhaps I can share something that would be helpful to you too.
2. Group Call
   1. If there are enough of us interested, and I think there are, I think it would be incredibly powerful to hop on a small group call to ask questions and hear from several different people. For me, it would help me know I’m not crazy for some of the questions I have, and I’m sure I would learn even more.
3. Email
   1. If a call is too invasive, send me an email with your story and your questions. This is really just about trying to meet you wherever you are so you know you aren’t alone, and you don’t have to be miserable. You can truly enjoy your relationship with your wife and child.

If you are interested in any of these options, send me an email at daddylessonsblog@gmail.com, and we will get something set up.

I will tell you up front, I’m not an expert, and I don’t have all the answers, but I know you are capable of being a great dad. We all are. We just need to let our guards down, admit we don’t know it all, and ask for help.

Can’t wait to hear from you.

#daddylessons